Chris' Marriage

God promised me a wife and children, and those promises are being fulfilled. I married my wife Nicole on August 30, 2002, and I've found true peace and satisfaction in our marriage relationship. Additionally, Nicole gave birth to our daughter on February 8, 2004. We were then blessed with a son on January 5, 2006. I praise God for the miracles He has performed and continues to perform in our lives.

I wish I could relay to you the love I feel for my wife Nicole. No, things are not always perfect - but what relationship is? The bottom line is that I am committed to my relationship and there is absolutely nothing that can come between us but us. We make the choice whether our marriage survives or not. The Bible tells us that "we" are to choose this day whom we shall serve...God gives us the choice.

Nicole and I lost our first child Jordan just a few months after our marriage. This loss was devastating. I had never experienced such a loss in my life. If there has ever been a more vulnerable time in our marriage, it was then. But what happened instead was, through our loss, we allowed it to pull us together rather than apart.

God has been faithful to both me and Nicole. He has blessed me with a loving and faithful wife. I never knew fulfillment with a woman was possible. There was great fear attached to the idea of being intimately involved with a woman (which is normal and healthy). The pleasure I receive from being with my wife sexually is remarkable.

When I was in the gay lifestyle, there were no doubts that I was "gay." I felt gay, lived gay, and loved gay. However, once God got a hold of my life and began His transforming work, my life has never been the same. Today, when I remember my previous life, it is like a distant memory. It is that far displaced from me and from my life. When I'm with my wife sexually, there is no one else in our bed but the two of us. I have never thought of a man while with my wife intimately or otherwise. I give God praise for this because I know without His power in my life, this would not be the case.

I still have issues to deal with on a daily basis. However, the difference between today and my past as a gay man is my relationship with God. God has sustained me through the hard times and has brought me out on the other side. Also, through those hard times, I've learned things about myself, experienced healing, and I've been able to find peace with certain issues of my past. This has only been possible through cultivating a deep and intimate relationship with my Creator. And now I have the security of knowing that no matter what happens in my life, He will never leave me or stop loving me. This fact is awesome. The work God does in my life (if I allow Him to) is a "constant work in progress." It rarely is a silver bullet experience. Instead, it is a one-experience, one-emotion, and one-wound process until the final result is God's freedom. Praise God! I know that my life today (serving my Savior, loving my wife, enjoying my daughter) is more fulfilling than it ever was living the gay life. Praise the Lord!

In my oneness with Nicole, I realize that no other false imitation of sex (such as masturbation and pornography) can compare. Masturbation and pornography have been strongholds in my life. Masturbation (whether it is done by the husband or wife) can drive a wedge between couples. There can be a tendency to turn to masturbation because of convenience (usually for guys). Usually, a man does not require the time that a woman does in order to become sexually aroused and fulfilled. I believe God designed our bodies to be different for a reason. Maybe the reason is to require the man to slow down, learn to appreciate his wife, and please her as he desires to be pleased. And maybe so his wife would not feel used and unappreciated but valued as a vital part of a loving and intimate relationship. This can happen when the husband takes the time to give freely of himself to his spouse.

To some of you reading, this may seem like a little too much information. If so, please feel free to click to another page. However, I feel it is necessary to talk frankly about these issues since I am asking you to believe me when I tell you that a person's desires can completely change when that person is Christ-centered and motivated.

I marvel at the healing God continues to bring about in my masculinity. I would not have realized this healing if it had not been for Nicole's femininity complementing my masculinity. I believe God designed men and women to be different in the very beginning. Not only does this play out in our sex life, but in our every day lives, too. He created us to complement one another. It is no surprise that God has blessed me with a woman who has talents that I don't possess, because together we can make an even more powerful couple.

With all this said, a person should not step out before God's time to find a mate. We tend to yield to temptation in getting into a relationship to fix loneliness but eventually regret it because it was not God's will. God must complete a certain amount of healing before He brings that other person into your life.

I was single and much alone for about 6 years before God brought Nicole to me. If I had not been determined and genuine about my faith and relationship with Christ, I would have given up long before the 6 years and returned to the gay life. Instead, I went through the process of change and allowed God the time to work in me His perfect will, which often requires me to endure difficult circumstances. Be of good courage1 All hard circumstances eventually pass, and the dawn of a new day breaks forth with all that God has promised you.

Here is a final note about maintaining freedom. If God calls you and allows you to be married (some are given the gift of singlehood), it is so important to always be honest with your spouse. Be honest with your feelings (even if they are scary). The truth will always result in freedom.